It's kinda weird when im back n hearing from peeps tt i'm enjoying myself in NS...i guess ul know wads next on e line...its actually e other way round..

I've met my challenge-

Myself.

I've lost tempo since i left BMTC at tekong for OCS...like i've predicted bt not speculated by many, ill lose quite alot during OCS..kinda dipped in my motivation of which is very unlike e chia many remembered...i couldn't really identify myself either...

So, dis call for a IA. Immediate Action. Before i suffer any longer under dis influence, i had better quickly find a firm purpose and reason being in OCS. Why officership should be mine to own n how confident i should be, wanting to be an officer. Dunno whyz, e momentum juz cease..if e rhytum dun return quickly, my attitude and all will soon suffer. Not because i'm distracted by anything, bt im beginning to feel really 'sianz'. I failed one of my theory test(which is totally dumb cos it was such easy paper n i couldn't finish cos i was soooo sleepy n i find it hard to catch up with all e lectures when there is no proper time for us to digest e materials n understand e contents..its e same for e others bt i find my very incompetent if i dun grab it wif 80% effort.. Dis is bad ah kids. No good no good. DUN learn, negative demostration...

Right. So i msged my cell member n ask how she's doing in her ldership routing...little did i noe she's not really coping well generally in all aspect. Ha..it was e most right time to let her noe lders like me will fall sometimes n its only human..of course, we encouraged one another n i was again reminded, a lder MUST be different because he/she will be trained differently and expected to carry load tt others might not be able to hold on to...tt spirit will cause e motivational influence in many lives...

Then again, i observed myself n realized i'm changing..i've been training to be a more secular lder than a Godly one...Tho e spirit prompts, its really hard to keep to e christ-like standards...Basically, i'm losing bit by bit everydae..Like taught to my kids, just confess n shame e devil:
- not commited to savour e word of e Lord
- sloppy prayers
- over exposure to wordly standards of e world
- poor discipline of e heart


I need a thrash talk n prayer wif e Lord soon. In fact, shld be after i finish wif dis. Prayers are REALLY impt n let me tell u why...

Despite i really feel like a quitter somehow(of which i'm still holding on to e left-over confidence), God proved Himself when u stay faithful..

If u guys noe bout my dad situation, he's been not on his career path for bout 4 years...I've been praying since then wif da and its finally answered 4 years later..my answer came aft 4 years becos i was willing to wait for a better cause..He was faithful..really faithful..

I prayed n decided to believe tt my old notepad(story written on e prev entry) will come back to me, it did...somehow incredibly returned back to owner..i dunno how, but 1 week later, it 'walked' back to me..i din lose tt faith..

Now, if i cont to fail to believe n haf faith i can overcome all dis wif Him, tink ill 'poof!' n be a goner altogether...i haf to gain back all e confidence n motivation, somehow, thru God..i MUST. Wad is an officer who cannot motivate himself bt expects his men to be motivated? Bull story..so buck up..

N i was reminded by dis cab driver whom i believe was Godly inspiring..while i was telling him bout my upcoming field camp in e next four days to come, i was hoping it wouldn't rain...bt then he commented, 'look at e positive side..at least when it rains, the trees n grass would gain their opportunity to quench their thirst..as long Spore is away frm earthquakes n natural forces, we are well blessed..'

I gave him e 'kangeroo kena spotlight' face n was left astounded. Simple theory, bt e hrt filled wif compassion even for e 'non-living' living things...

N of course, i've lacked in my FEELINGS! Everydae train to whack enemy only..of course turned to be like this..

Enuff of sad story, ill bring u guys good news when i 'fight' a battle tt is mine dis coming week.


Pray wif me.