Monday, November 27, 2006

i see storm brewing before me in this period.

beyond my crazy, enthusiatic n energetic self embedes much fear, uncertainty n feeling of lost.

yet i noe Christ had gone thru this, n so must i to bypass my stage.

i am shaken, somehow. the fear of God.

yet the soft still voice persists n resides.

"...Alvin, i called you by name. above all else, here I AM. n becos I AM, know that I AM in All..."

i must rise with Christ.

constantly i fight my battle,

"listen up, Alvin Chia. 21 years of upbrining, how could you remain as you are? can't you handle anything? is this all? all that you can take? fear? haven't you overcome any? uncertainty? haven't you been ever assured? lost? haven't you been once found? God has given you n its enough power. You have seen yet you chose to restrict. God is more than glad to give me even more power, but you've learnt, its enuff. It is the authortiy you must learn to grab n exercise..."

crazy mind, crazy heart, n i fight my thots, i fight my mind...

"...ppl ard u, they see your potential. they c that you can do the job. so why can't you accept the challenge n rise up? not crazy enuff? (ok, i alr am...) not skillful enuff? nt experienced enuff? afraid of ppl pinpointing at you when smth goes wrong? can't resolve issues? can't take it in your stride shall all else fails? ..."

endless combat...

"why? situation at hand too much for you to bear? didn't Christ won it all at the cross? His blood not enuff to carry you thru? not enuff support? how much do you need till you're comfortable to fight on? must you be comfortable? is that a trait of ldership to be certain first? will ur lders stand by you? what r your qualities, skill sets n experiences? not enuff still? how much more you want? "

biang eh!

siao. alvin gone all crazy.

fight on n on n on.

then i realized,

why not i ask God to fight for me?

God! i cry out! when i knock, you have to open the door! tts wad u said in Your Word!

if You don't, i will knock n disturb You until You do something about it!

if it is your Ministry, don't You have to provide?

knock knock knock!...OPEN THE DOOR!

Ah ha! i got it.

tts the picture.

see, that is how God lures me to Him. He seeks my companionship. He wants me to Him.

"...when you seek me and find me, seek me with all of your hrt, not just a part...n when the times that you feel like, this world is so far from your home, you're not alone...cos I will never depart, just seek me with all of your hrt..."

"...for me to live is Christ, and to 'die' is gain, no mater what price i pay, i choose to give this life away..."

i often think i can motivate myself n push n push n push. That is for my physical self. but the spiritual one needs God. only He can provide n nourish that portion.

God i ask of you...

no longer can i, you must take your throne in my life now. more, n more n even more. i cannot own myself, you must take over!

"ALVIN CHIA! close your eyes. be still, keep silence. touch your hrt, feel it, listen to it. the things of the world must grow dim. more of Him means less of you. KEEP STILL THERE! Focus focus focus focus n focus. keep your focus. then focus again. don't lose it. focus. keep it. focus. "

be it talking to myself or nt, this physical body and soul must be disciplined.

the spiritual self is left to God. now i've got a lil wisdom.

What is the intent of my higher command?

Lord, i seek...

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Ok, enuff strife with myself. Now, time to be grateful n give thanks.

to salome, thanks for your SMS prayers everytime. it is always a surprise, n that care when you share often brings much comfort! i thank God for you.

self commentary. sorry salome, dun haf ur photo!

i thank God for lewis, rachel and lynn, for just standing n sitting there for even a moment to contribute ideas n your few cents worth.

sexy boy on the left

thanks da also, for your unceasingly fun times! two mad brothers add tog like one screwed up grinded pot of chicken n duck mesh.

all smiles!

wonder where dis came from...

MIB no more. WIB(woman in black) instead.

n during our buck's session, doug for suggestions n sharing...the rest along are Flannery, Ling Quan, Jian Han, linda n li jia. For all the sharing n discussion on our future ministry n development, you guys n gals play a part! n Li Jia for your active concern n passion in Q&As!

Wonderful father n spearheading our ministry

Pastor Sam of course for all the admin n sourcing. Nv cld do w/o ur ldership.

Butt brothers

Kenny Tan for asking me for 21 km (of which i'd love to run half naked with ya) bt can't cos of the new div.

since secondary till now...

every individual camp comm for actively invlove in the running n prep for the prespd camp. Tay esp for being such responsible Co-Commandant. Nonetheless, Cordy for co-ord n wonderful advisor.

Grown n certainly unique

of course, for my special someone, tho' you're not ard, but i am reminded of your goodness n spurring n support for my ministry n involvement. thanks for the confidence built in me thus far.

Xx for the good times spent with ya and ur partner. n the unceasing passion for chr service n Cg.

n my one n only sole support.

Jesus Christ.

Lord, i love you, n i will do what i can to support n maintain your ministry. Help me work with people, lead my lders n develop me even further for your Glory. you n i noe its tough, its peanuts to you, bt its like some motherLOAD unto me.

Forgive me for my little jokes on thee,
so tt i might forget thy big ones on me.

Just joking!

Press on!

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we're always brothers...havin in mind of you all always. Bani, congrats on your marriage. We're proud to be your once in a lifetime sword bearers!

Never fallen. Journey only beginning...

Onwards n remembering our position n purpose.
don't really care bout ur respect anymore. be it who u influence, similarly, i lost mine for you. On Par. be it. i've moved on. i've stayed too long for you. i hav far too many issues to focus on. i've remembered who i am. i've taken my share of blame, perhaps, far too long in the ditch. I'm climbing out. i'm taking my stand. i will move on. there r far too many to lead. ain't stopping no more...

Cpt Paul sir, thank u for all e grooming. To us all, uve been a wonderful PC. To whom we r, we're all led by your charasmatic leadership along with the instructors. u've made 1st platoon impossible, possible. Our fights, battle n all the crawling thru dirt n mud, no one will ever empathise n understand our going-thrus, ditches, injuries, tears and pain. To many, its just the rank,class and honour. We noe better inside. It's ours. To all our 9 months n years to come, On Guard!


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